So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
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i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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