I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
