I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
