In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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