I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
