i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
