I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im holly from the hills drunk
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
