My sheets look like a crime scene.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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