Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
