We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Less talking, more tequila
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
