Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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