I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
