help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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