Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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