Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
