Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize