someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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