at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
