There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
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i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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