i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
