His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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