no, he came in my armpit
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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