My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
