He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
