Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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