dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
