Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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