hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
