What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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