Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
