so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
