someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
