Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
