so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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