I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
