Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
