i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
