You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
