So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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