So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
