6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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