i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
