theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
