You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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