Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
