Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
