I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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