Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
