I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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