ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Drunk is not a location!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
