why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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