kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
