walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
