So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
