I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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