whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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