Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
