we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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