She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He passed out mid-signature
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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