Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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