I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
