Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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