You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Send help, water and tortillas.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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